PDF Ebook How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written, by Sterling Archer
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From the Back Cover
Hi. I see you’re reading the back of my book. This tells me that you either:A) are hoping to find a brief summary of what to expect from a how-to book by Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, or B) don’t know how books work.If your answer was “A,” your best bet is probably the table of contents, which is where you’ll find the “contents” of this book listed in a convenient, easy-to-read “table” format. So maybe go check that out for a minute and then come back here. I’ll wait. . . .Pretty cool, right? What other book will teach you how to dress properly and how to drive an elephant? How to field strip an AK-47 and how to haggle with a Thai prostitute—in her native tongue? How to pilot an airboat and how to make about a million delicious cocktails, including a Molotov one? How to kill a guy and how to prepare a fabulous brunch? Plus how to do tons of other stuff that I forgot, but that is nonetheless probably in this book (which, to be honest, I really only kinda skimmed).So if you want to learn more about how to be more—or at all—like Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, quit smearing your greasy fingerprints all over this book and buy it. For one thing, I really need the royalties. For another thing, the last time I checked, this wasn’t a damn library.(Note: If your answer was “B,” this probably isn’t the book you want to start with.)
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About the Author
Sterling Archer is the world’s greatest secret agent and nowalso probably a bestselling author. A world-class cocksmanand former all-conference preparatory school lacrosse player,he divides his time among New York City, Monte Carlo, theOrient, several of the classier islands of the Caribbean, andGstaad. This is his first book.
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Product details
Paperback: 192 pages
Publisher: It Books; Original edition (January 17, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0062066315
ISBN-13: 978-0062066312
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.5 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
782 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#27,659 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Really comes across like it was written by Archer! Lots of laugh out loud moments. I enjoyed it. Totally want to try making those $100 eggs.
I admit to being an enormous Archer fan, but I still would never give a poorly written stack of regurgitated jokes five stars. This book delivers the laughs, especially if you know anything about the show. Which I do.But, humor being completely subjective, I still feel compelled to at least dispel a couple shameful myths put forth by other reviewers.MYTH: "...three out of four jokes are ripped word for word from episodes of Archer..."FACT: Let's do some math, shall we? Archer states at the start of the book that he's contractually obligated to produce a manuscript of no shorter than 30,000 words and will, therefore, deliver a manuscript of precisely 30,000 words. As I read the book the second time, I highlighted every word I could find that either retold a joke from the show or even so much as referred to a joke from the show. I even highlighted Alex Karras (whom Lana mentions in Archer S1 E10) even though the joke about him is completely different. Total word count on reused jokes: 322. That's 1.073%. So, essentially, the book is 99% new content.MYTH: This book "substitute[s] rehashed dry jokes for actual information" and is "not much of a guide to anything."FACT: This is a book by Sterling Archer, so if you're expecting an encyclopedia on the finer points of covert ops, you haven't been paying attention. Spoiler Alert: you won't actually learn how to become an international spy by reading this book. That said, unless you already know the recipe for Green Russians, or the proper way to prepare Eggs Woodhouse, or how to say "Would you like to have sex with me?" in 17 languages (including Portuguese, of course), then I can assure you this book has plenty to teach you.For example, from the section on page 19 regarding the martial art of Savate:"Savate is French for 'face kick.' And while the French have a reputation for being effeminate... I think this is unfair. Because they also have...the French Foreign Legion. So the next time you're feeling adventurous, walk into a bar in Algiers and call a Legionnaire a putain de merde. Then walk outside and feel around in the sand with your hands, trying to find your head."Not the greatest advice, but at least you learned something (and I bet you laughed, too).
If you read this book and it's not in Archer's voice (except for the foreword, which his mother kindly provided), then this isn't the book for you.This book is the ultimate guide as to how to be like Archer; it's not another episode converted into paper form in an effort to make Archer millions of dollars (though he does admit that the book is an effort to make said millions of dollars). You will learn many useful tidbits in this book: how to ask women if they want to have sex with you in 16 languages... How to make Eggs Woodhouse (the most expensive breakfast you'll ever have)... How to drop $100,000 on deposit in a casino and get it all back (and make some new friends while you're at it!)... And everything in between that makes Archer the world's greatest secret agent.He also points out the difference between "butler" and "valet," how you can only dream to be like him, and how to bed women of all types...see the chapter entitled The Archer Sutra (I can't make that up lol), all in a 30,000 word manuscript that the publisher legally-bound him to write. Count it; they did.And if you don't like this book, Archer will feed you a bowl of spider webs.
The book only took be an hour of two to read. We are not talking about "War and Peace" here. However, I love Archer, I think that the whole cast is hysterical and enjoyed the book. It really is Sterling from the first complaint to the last.Never ready to do the grunt work despite getting an advance. The publisher having to push him to complete the book. Just typical Archer.I Loved it!! If you decide to purchase it, remember that you are buying a book written by a cartoon character. keep your expectations in check.
Great for Archer fans. I am new to the show and just finished binge watching the first 8 seasons. I was searching for some books on my Kindle, and for some reason, this one came up as a recommendation. It probably came up because I did watch a couple of episodes on my Kindle using the Xfinity app on OnDemand.Don't believe the bad reviews. It is an entertaining read. You just can't keep from reading it in Archer's voice.
If you like the show, then get the book. If you have never seen the show, get the book.
I'm a huge Archer fan, and when I saw this book I knew I had to buy it. After finishing it within a day, the only thing that disappointed me was that I was done. Reading it with the voice of H. Jon Benjamin in your head, this book is a hilarious sideshow. Archer's jerk attitude and chauvinistic tone shine through every word, and every line... including the footnotes and graphics.Anybody who watches and loves the tv show, won't be disappointed by this book.If you pay attention, and wait another 1000 years for God to gift you the good looks and brains of Sterling, you just might be able to get on his level... or not. I mean, there can only be one "best" at picking up women, and being a world famous spy, and Sterling has both of those covered already.;)
I love Archier so this was a really cool addition to my collection or merch. It is written as archer himself explaining all the details of espionage work in a very Archer way. It was fun to read and is truly a wonderful product
It's Archers book, what can you say? Its surprising he even took the time to write it so be thankful for what you get.Its a funny book, not much substance although some decent cocktail recipes.
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